The 5 Most Annoying Types of Whole Foods Shoppers

1- The Sniffer:  You want your fruits ripe and your herbs fresh, I’m with you, but do you really have to treat this place like you’re in a doing a promo for a cooking show? When you spend 10 minutes smelling that peach, all I see is soft focus, sunshine lighting and a cheap piano version of a Kenny G ballad. What are you checking for that is taking so long?  Are you making sure the only thing that touched the produce is the pee of a rare Himalayan caterpillar? Or that the sugar plum fairies didn’t mishandle that cilantro before they packed it in the delivery truck powered by unicorns.  Do you need a minute alone with the melons? When smelling produce goes past the point of function, skips through pleasure and resembles arousal…it’s weird.  Stop it. Continue reading


Le Chateaubriand: An Epicurian Uppercut

*If you want to skip to the food pictures, they are after the jump.  I mean, if you want to.  Just Saying.

On a recent trip to Paris, I began calling for a reservation to the famed bistro weeks before my departure date.  Only to be met with a large french sigh of nothing.  Not one table for any of the days were were in the city of lights.  Not easily swayed I continued calling to check for cancellations, the person on the phone enventually took pity and informed me that if I show up at 9:30pm there are a few tables on a first come first serve basis for a second seating.  Ex-squeeze me? Baking powder?   Also, in that second seating we would still be able to order the full tasting menu.  Merci Beau-cu-yah!  Done and done. Upon arriving in Paris, we still tried to weasel a reservation through friends and our hotel concierge but fell short…again.  Taking the phone advice in hand, a decision was made to just go for it.  Or as an old coach so eloquently put it, the ‘F##k It’ technique.   We were going to get into the ever impossible Le Chateaubriand, sans a reservation, on a Saturday night. Continue reading