The 5 Most Annoying Types of Whole Foods Shoppers

1- The Sniffer:  You want your fruits ripe and your herbs fresh, I’m with you, but do you really have to treat this place like you’re in a doing a promo for a cooking show? When you spend 10 minutes smelling that peach, all I see is soft focus, sunshine lighting and a cheap piano version of a Kenny G ballad. What are you checking for that is taking so long?  Are you making sure the only thing that touched the produce is the pee of a rare Himalayan caterpillar? Or that the sugar plum fairies didn’t mishandle that cilantro before they packed it in the delivery truck powered by unicorns.  Do you need a minute alone with the melons? When smelling produce goes past the point of function, skips through pleasure and resembles arousal…it’s weird.  Stop it. Continue reading